Paignton Zoo discovers reptiles emotionally respond to television shows

In a surprising study that’s shocking zoo experts everywhere, researchers at Paignton Zoo have made strange discoveries about their cold-blooded residents. The zoo’s reptile team has been testing what happens when reptiles watch TV using special mini-screens.

Dr. Liz Herd, Head of Reptile Technology at Paignton Zoo, explained:

“We initially hypothesised that reptiles, with their evolutionarily ancient brains, would show minimal cortical response to visual narratives. What we’ve documented instead challenges everything we thought we knew about reptilian emotional processing.”

pz april fools day tortoise 1 — ^{Red-footed tortoise Donatello has become addicted to cookery shows despite finding them to be stressful.}

The special viewing devices, made with tech company AF Industries, were carefully fitted to the zoo’s lesser Antillean iguana and male red-footed tortoises after months of getting them used to wearing them.

Dr. Herd continued:

“Crumpet, our Lesser Antillean iguana, displays what our endocrinologists have confirmed as elevated oxytocin levels during romantic scenes in period dramas. He exhibits pupil dilation, decreased tongue-flicking, and what appears to be synchronized heart rate changes during emotional climaxes in ‘Bridgerton.’ Most remarkably, we’ve documented lacrimation—actual tears—during the proposal scene in ‘Pride and Prejudice.'”

The zoo’s three red-footed tortoises—named after Renaissance artists—showed equally odd responses to cooking shows.

Dr. Terry Pin, Director of Art History at Paignton Zoo, added:

“Our tortoises demonstrate measurable cortisol spikes during elimination segments of cooking competitions. Donatello’s cardiopulmonary readings indicate anxiety responses indistinguishable from those of human viewers during ‘The Great British Bake Off’ judging. Meanwhile, Raphael and Leonardo exhibit classic vigilance behaviours, extending their necks by an average of 4.3 centimetres during particularly tense moments.”

The research, pending peer review in the Journal of Experimental Herpetology, has sparked interest from streaming platforms eager to develop reptile-targeted content algorithms.

pz april fools day tortoise 3 — ^{The tortoises were not given pizza while watching TV, because tortoises do not eat pizza.}